The Best Mother in the World

Twenty years (and eighteen days ago) I married the most beautiful girl in the world.  Sorry guys.  I got her.  When we married, I got a lot more than I bargained for – meaning, there were many aspects of life that I simply did not consider during those first months and years.

This morning I woke up early.  I didn’t get up. I just laid there in the bed looking at Cindy as she slept, and I was captivated at how beautiful she still is.  And it’s not just about her looks.  Today on this Mother’s Day Sunday, she is delivering the message to our congregation.  She prepared that (two part – two Sunday ) message this week, while I was traveling.  She prepared it amidst getting the kids up and off to school, then having them underfoot the last two days of the week because they were off.  She prepared it while tending to administrative matters, both for the church and for our home.  The house was clean.  The children were fed.  She even managed to oversee the weekly “cleansing of the turtle habitat” – a nasty little time consuming job.

Like most people, there are days when she confides that she feels off balance.  Yet, I am amazed at her ability to balance the world (especially in light of the fact that she is married to me!).

As I watched her sleep, I pondered all that she has accomplished in her life.  She “nudged” me through school (Ask MY mom what that is all about) while earning a doctorate in pastoral counseling and then a PH. D in clinical counseling.  She embraced that changed that occurred in our life as we made the transition from itinerant ministry to pastoring.  She became an effective pastor and leader of people.  She even managed to find time for a hobby and became an accomplished photographer.  AND, she is a mother to four children.

That’s the part that is amazing to me.  Most men become completely unspooled at having to deal with one hour of tending to their kids.  For them, taking a turn with the kids is “baby-sitting” and it involves their world grinding to a halt because they cannot function with kids underfoot.  For the record, “baby-sitting” is something you do for other people’s kids.  If their yours, it’s called parenting.   

A mother to four children.  As Cindy laid there in peaceful slumber, I remember days that were not so peaceful for her.  The day she discovered that she was pregnant with our first daughter, Heather, was one of those.  Such a discovery is epic, and cause for celebration, but for Cindy, it brought grave concern that she could not handle being a good mother to this new daughter.  She was afraid that there would not be enough love, or patience, or compassion to do the job.  She spent a lot of time in prayer and meditation.  She also wrote out her thoughts and feelings.  Yet, when the moment arrived and Heather saw daylight for the first time, she found herself in the arms of the most loving of mothers.

Cindy has “mothered” our children through great adversity.  Our travel schedule for ministry kept us on the road, 48 weeks a year.  This required her to home school them in their early years.  One of our children is bi-polar, which creates an entirely different set of mothering skills.  And she had me.  Ask any woman and she will tell you that mothering skills are required when dealing with the man in your life.  I disagree, but she is the one with two doctors’ degrees.

All of this to say that the thing she was most afraid of – being a mother – is exactly the thing that she is greatest at.  It is also the thing that has made her what she is today.  Her role as a mother has defined every other aspect of what she does in this world.  As a counselor, she offers practical wisdom, as a mother should for her children.  As a pastor, she nurtures the flock – a skill particularly suited for a mother.  Even her photography demonstrates motherhood, because it usually involves her children, either behind or in front of the camera.

She recently said, that the notion that a woman could aspire to be a “Proverbs 31” woman feels ridiculous and unattainable to women.  (for reference, find a Bible and read Proverbs 31)  For me, I say, it is not ridiculous, nor is it unattainable.  Cindy embodies it.  Is she perfect? No.  But does she have to be? No.  She does live her life with excellence.  And, she expects life to produce excellence around her.  That is the mindset of the Proverbs 31 woman. 

As I look at my wife, lying next to me, I am thankful that I married the most wonderful mother in the world. 

Happy Mother’s Day

Were You There

Life Happens in Decades

Life happens in decades.  I have taught it for years.  I did not invent the concept, 

but I have lived long enough to recognize its truth.

This week, my wife and I celebrate our 

20^th wedding anniversary. 

This milestone has proven to be a great place to pause and reflect on the life that we have shared.  I have spent a great deal of time contemplating all that our life has enjoyed and endured.  Such contemplation has served to under-gird the thought that life is full of blessing – even in the midst of trial.

I think about the start of our life together, and the obstacles that we faced.  

 In the beginning, there were some in our lives who loved us very much, who were determined that should we marry, our marriage would be full of trouble and that it would most likely meet with drastic and disastrous conclusion.  The nay-sayers, while few, were often the loudest sound in the room.  It was often very difficult to think or reason beyond the opposition that ensued.  Yet, we did.  Both of us were determined in our heart that our marriage was not simply something that we desired, but something that God was orchestrating.  

 There was a plan for each of us, but more importantly, there was a plan or both of us together… 

and it would take the two of us being one to fulfill that purpose. 

In entering that marriage, we considered what we would accomplish in ten years.  

Then, we did it.  We married and like any marriage, found that not everything was easy.  In fact, marriage is hard…particularly when you are determined to do more than survive.

A lot happened in that first decade.  We learned early on that we had to be (meaning, “I” had to be) extremely careful in our spending…to live within our means.  That lesson allowed us to create forward momentum in caring for our family, and our home.   

Patience was a requirement.   

You cannot have everything you want, and certainly right now.  But contentment taught us what we really wanted rather than what we thought we wanted.

In the first decade, we were blessed with four children.  Yep, Cindy was a baby factory.  Those early childhood years seemed as though they would never end.  Nights were sometimes endless.  The money thing took on a whole new dynamic.  The romance of being together took on a new flavor.  The time for Cindy and I to share together began to require invention and great creativity.  Living within your means with four small children meant they were always within arms reach.  The house wasn’t that big.

In that first decade, we became very solid about the work God placed into our hands.  We did not go the traditional route of schooling, where you finish high school and go to college, then figure our how to make it apply. We launched head long into what we believed God called us to do, then tailored our education to accommodate what we were building.  I am not touting that as the best method, but it proved practical and worked well for us.  I am especially proud of Cindy, who managed to run the accounting side of our ministry, birth, raise, and home-school four kids, and earn the first of two doctorates.  

If anyone asks…I married UP!

Fast forward to the next decade.  The children were growing.  The home-school continued.  We traveled and ministered all around the United States.  I used to joke that my kids were out of warranty early.  Yet God had begun dealing with our hearts about the decade in front of us.  Over the first the years of the second decade, He turned our hearts to a different realm of ministry.  Travel gave way to being home.  Itinerant ministry shifted into pastoral ministry.  Home-schooling shifted into going to school.  The house was traded for a bigger house.  We continued our education.  Cindy earned her second degree - a Ph.D. in clinical psychology. The family grew.  Life grew. And, with it, the joys and pains grew…as did our faith in God and in one another.

The life that seemed to move at a snail’s pace now juggernaut’s down a timeline in a blur.   The kid’s I taught to ride bikes are now starting to drive cars.  

Girl’s don’t have “cooties” and boys aren’t “GROSS!”  

 Money took on yet a different dynamic, because the economy of our second decade is different than the economy of the first.  

 Funny, the money struggles that we faced which kept us “tethered” have proven to be the lessons that have kept us 

floating this time around. 

Hmmmm.  

 The time Cindy and I share together requires even MORE creativity and invention, because now the kids KNOW…and let’s just leave it at that!

As I stated in the beginning, life happens in decades.  It is one of the most important things ever taught to me and one of the few lessons I can say I held to throughout my life.  I could not draw a picture of everything I wanted to see accomplished within a decade.  However, I can say that I was able to frame a picture of many things I wanted to happen in that decade.  Having that picture gave us something to shoot for.  It provided a destination and with it a determination to “get there”.   

Where there is no vision, people perish.   

This has proven to be true in our lives, and as I look over the past two decades, I am thankful that much of what we set out to accomplish, we have accomplished.  Some thing are not done.  yet they are part of the master plan and will be fabricated 

into the next decade.  Such is the beauty of growth.

What does the next decade hold?  Kids could get married and maybe even make us grandparents ( it better be in that order – lol ) College graduations? There are certainly some areas of ministry that God is leading us into, which have not been tapped yet.  All of it will eventually require a plan, but in this moment, it requires a dream.  All that we are called to accomplish and who we are called to be is right in front of us.  We cannot be small in our thinking.  We cannot be afraid.  Just as it was in the beginning, we cannot yield to the “saner, safer” voices who are intent on keeping us nicely anchored in the harbor.

“A ship in port is safe, but that’s not what ships are for.” 

                                                                                                         Grace Hopper -  

The next decade will see sunny days, and squalls.  There will be joy.  There will probably be pain.  Most certainly there will be trials, because every great accomplishment occurs with trial.  The next decade will NOT be easy, but it WILL be great!

What Is It Going To Take To Change My Life?

I can’t take it anymore!  I don’t want to live this way! 

What is it going to take to change my life?  

These are statements I hear all the time from people.  Life can be frustrating.  Life in these times can be particularly frustrating.  There is a phrase that has been true for as long as time.  In recent times, it has become a “buzz phrase” if there is such a thing.

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”  If you want your life to change, you have to evaluate each aspect of it and determine what are the anchors that are preventing true change from occurring.  Some things need to be reprioritized.  Others need to be cut off completely.  Too often, our passions and desires cloud the issues and make it difficult to know which is which.

In my own life, I was anchored between two conflicts.  One the one hand, I am compassionate to a fault. 

       I am the typical “Take in the stray three-legged dog” guy.  

I have a heart for people and want to see them succeed – at any cost.   Unfortunately, that cost has often proven to be one that I am willing to pay more than being the price that the one I am helping is willing to pay.  That is a dangerous and expensive problem.  As a minister raised in a minister’s home, I can attest that a curse of ministry is the tendency to pay that price at the expense of one’s own family.

Or, family itself can be the problem.  This weekend a friend of mine jokingly (but pointedly) made the statement, “If you can effectively overcome the demands and judgment of family, you can easily handle any demon in hell.”  For some, I would have to admit there is probably a truth in that.  After all, I have helped a lot of people wade through family situations, and when selfishness is involved, 

the rules that will keep family close are the 

same ones that allow for the greatest damage.  

In any case, my compassion for people has often lead me to sacrifice beyond what is reasonable or even righteous.  I become an enabler rather than an agent of empowerment.  This conflicts with the forward momentum in my own life and success.

The second conflict occurs when in helping such a person I get to the place where enough is enough.  

For me, the flip side of compassion is cynicism.

It is the by-product of helping those who insist on being enabled rather than empowered.  I have a sanguine personality.  If you have studied personality traits, you know this means that I am fun loving, energetic, engaging, trusting and optimistic…and an extremist.  These are traits that, tied to compassion, make it possible for me to keep paying the aforementioned price that too often proves costly and ineffective.  For me to stop paying that price is always an extreme decision. 

My protection device seems to be the embracing of cynicism.  Because I believe that there HAS to be a way for it to work, when I come to the reality that for whatever reason it cannot or will not, I tend to go from being extremely positive to extremely negative.  The willingness of others to live in failure somehow becomes MY failure.  What did I do or NOT do that prevented a win here?  Making this break fuels cynicism and turns me into someone that I have no desire to be.  I go from being extremely positive to EXTREMELY NEGATIVE, which is dangerous for a sanguine. Because we are extreme, when we get negative, we get REALLY negative!  Because we are outspoken and usually the loudest voice in the room, we can really

My greatest conflict was found halt between these two extremes.  

How long do I fight for the win for someone who needs change but is unwilling to change, and how do I let go of the fight to bring that change without taking on the responsibility of what can amount to certain failure if I do?

Then I realized that the anchor holding me back was not the decision of who to prioritize and what fight to fight, but that

the true anchor that was preventing me from success was my inability to see what responsibility is mine and what

responsibility belongs to someone else.  

It is my job to influence.  It is my desire to bring change.  It is not my responsibility to make the decision for them.  Discovering this helped me cut loose the real anchor that was stopping my progress, for me and for my family.  

The professionals call this co-dependency. As long as I was willing to “hang in” until others made the right decision, their wrong decisions prevented me from moving forward.  I could blame their unwillingness to change, but in the end, the inability for me to move was not their fault, but my own.  I was the one responsible for balance in my life.  In short, cutting the anchor was not simply about cutting someone off, but determining what price I was willing to pay (and ask my family to pay) for his or her success.

What is it going to take to change your life?  You must look through the circumstances and situations you are facing and find the TRUE anchors.  Be honest with yourself and deal with them.  Then you can move forward! 

YOU ARE POWERFUL!

You are a powerful person! You have great gifts which have been woven into your DNA from the moment you were created. Those gifts are ignited by action - by study, practice, and performance.
You are a powerful person. This means that you should consider the use of that power. Every person has an effect on others who are around them...EVERY person.

That is easy to believe when we see "High Producers" who affect people, such as a famous singer who's music affects you, or a mentor who's word inspires direction for your daily life routine.

It is not as easy to believe that others (every day, normal people) have the power to affect us, but it is true.  

The guy on the curb, who holds up a sign 

asking for money affects you. 

You are moved to help, or moved to roll up your car window and pretend to be on the phone, in order to avoid his gaze. Also, there are thoughts that go through your mind about what he should do to change his condition. That guy has the power to affect your compassion or to make you uncomfortable.

My point is that every one has power to affect someone else. 


The key is recognizing three things:
What is your gift and your power?

                How does your power affect others?

How can you best use your gifts and power

to make a positive difference on others?

David Foster posted an article on his website:

http://davidfoster.tv

In the article, David offers insight on the use of power of a leader.  As believers,

                                                           we are called to be leaders -

...in our families, in our churches, on our jobs, in every area of our lives.  His approach is written to those in specific positions of leadership, but I think if you read carefully, you can apply much of with he communicates to many areas of your life.

Take a look at it.

Five Legitimate Uses of Power - David Foster

If you’re a leader, you have to ask yourself this question almost every day, “What do I do that others can’t do? What do I do today with the position and the power that has been handed to me?”

A lot of leaders answer this question without thinking.  But it’s incumbent upon every leader to ask themselves, “What are the legitimate uses of my power?”  Here are five I can think of:

1. Use your power to empower, which simply means you give everyone in the organization the permission to do their job, to carry out their task, and not be held up with endless bureaucracy and procedures.  Empower the people in your organization, group, or company, and they will pay you back tenfold.
2. Use your power to free-up. Don’t allow good people to be bogged down by endless levels of communication, procedure, or in-fighting.  Where there are bottlenecks, step in and free-up the free-flow of meaningful action and creativity.
3. Use your power to enrich. As a leader, you make the decision that your group will have a learning environment.  Are the people you’re working with and leading feeling better for having worked with you and around you, and achieving a common goal?  Enrich people that you have been given the responsibility to lead and they will enrich you.
4. Use your power to take initiative. The leader is the one who has to do the first next right thing. You have to take action.  People in your group and company will react, even overreact, and fail to act.  And many times they’ll blame it on you because you’re the leader after all, and you have to initiate.  You have to be a self-starter.  You have to make sure that the momentum of the group is maintained.
5. Use your power to protect. What are you supposed to protect?  The people?  Yes.  The product? Certainly.  The service? Of course.  More importantly you protect the mission, vision, and goals of the organization.  No one in your group is more important than the mission for which the group exists.  All of you serve the mission, you promote the vision, and you take action that leads to the achievement of your stated goals. Protect the mission against apathy, and most importantly protect it against success.

Consider these words today.  Apply them to your life - to your relationship with your marriage, your kids, your job, and with people you relate with in life who are affected by how they observe you in your walk with God 

Lead with excellence.

t

BEING REAL

Writing is a joy for me.  Whether it is for a blog, or for a newspaper or a magazine, I consider it a privilege to share the gospel with others.  I do not take it lightly when people take the time to hear what to have to say.   

                      As a result, I am thrilled when I receive feedback from something I have written or shared.  It lets me know that people understand what I am saying and that it has really touched their life in some way.

I occasionally receive a comment that when I write an article such as this: "It doesn’t feel like a Bible teaching”.  Motivational?  Yes.  Inspiring?  I hope so. Once, I received a comment that,               

                “It was nice, but as a pastor, 

                     shouldn’t you be teaching people the Bible?”  

Actually, I do…every week as I pastor Bethesda Church. 

I also teach the Bible (or try to) in every situation of life that I encounter.

Whether I am sitting in a local restaurant having breakfast or sitting in an auto shop, 

I look for ways to communicate the gospel by demonstration.  For example, last week 

some friends of mine began dismantling an antique car.  It looked great on the outside, 

but needed repair as part of the car’s frame has rusted out.  It was a perfect moment to comment 

on how the car was like people.  

Everything looks great on the outside, but the inside has been eaten away 

because of neglect.  It became a “teaching moment” with a REAL outcome.  

That moment led to someone approaching me to say, 

“My heart is like that car.  Can Jesus help me?”       

Jesus taught in different ways.  The Gospels record that 

                             He read the scriptures and taught in the temple.  This is probably the process that people today can best relate with, as the method for delivering the gospel is widely seen as a pastor opening his Bible in front of a congregation on Sunday morning.  

Jesus also ministered to the multitudes.  There are accounts of Him 

preaching and teaching to crowds of thousands. 

                         He loved to teach in parables.  

He would take a story with real life relevance and would use it to expound upon both the nature of man and of God’s Kingdom.  He also loved to go into the street, locate the one who would listen and reach them where they were.   I find it interesting that those encounters carry more significance in the heart of people than the other methods of instruction.  

People are familiar with the Sermon on the Mount. 

By familiar, I mean they know that there was one.  However, ask around

 to see who knows anything about the content of the Sermon on the Mount and 

you will find few who can offer true insight.  But, the number of people who can 

relay a story about a person who had a specific encounter with Jesus is much greater.

People relate to a message or a lesson when

the elements of that lesson reflect

something of their life.

My point is this.  

One of the greatest tools Jesus employed when teaching others is that 

                     He was real.  He expected them to be real – 

not to be something they were not for the sake of impressing Him.  

He met people where they were.  He taught them by example, and by relating 

His teaching to their current life situations.

The purpose for the temple was and is still important.  

                                      Going to church is vital to your life.  It affords for you training that can make the difference between success and failure in raising your kids, or saving your marriage.  It creates the opportunity to build family style relationships with others – the way families are supposed to be – 

not the dysfunctional chaos that many suffer. 

For as long as there has been religion, there has been a mindset that we have to put on our “religious face”.  On Sunday, we wear the right clothes.  We sing the right songs.  We have our spiritual moments.  In a restaurant last week, I overheard a mother tell her 12-year-old son, “Don’t you dare cuss at me on Sunday.”  What about the rest of the week?  Why are Sunday values different than the values he should be living by Monday through Saturday?  That is not “being real”.

Jesus was hard on those who weren’t real.  He was much harder on those who put up a front for the sake of religion than He ever was on someone just trying to wade through life.  He challenged those who struggled with sin to recognize that 

        life could be much better if they would embrace 

                                                         His love and His instruction.

My purpose in communicating as I do is to demonstrate that God is REAL.  And, that in coming to Him, He desires for you to be real.  

                           You come to Him, faults and all. 

You don’t put on some “spiritual air”.  

It is not His desire to change you into something you are not.  

It is His desire to complete what He created you to be.  He wants you to know that He is not “put off” by your current state. But if your current state is eating away at the value of your life, He has both the ability and the desire to change it.  

He wants the real you to discover the real Him.

That is the core of His Gospel.  That is “being real”. 

Prayer - Randall Wallace ("Braveheart" Screenwriter @ National Day of Prayer)

The other day my friend, Brian Bird, posted this link on his website.
Brian is an amazing person.  He is a writer.  He is a partner in Believe Pictures.
His stories and his films are creatively constructed to touch the heart of people while at the same time
provoke them to thought and even to action.

I haven't known Brian very long, but even in the few short moments we have

 had together, he has demonstrated a special gift of communication which prompts

thoughts and ideas to awaken within you.  It is a gift that I believes God reserves

for certain people.  His thoughtful insight for me proves to be both a joy

and a challenge at the same time.

I share this because I believe that it is important for people to recognize when God places
such a person in your life.  When God wants to bless you, 

He places someone in your life.  

It may not be face to face.  But, someone. somehow will speak a word into your life
that will serve to adjust your perspective,  
                                  enlarge your vision or,
                                                                               strengthen your resolve

to stand and be as God designed you to be.

When God creates access to such a person,
that access should be treasured.  It should be celebrated.  The words that are spoken which
have the ability to inspire should be cherished.  They should serve to stir passion within you.

Their greatest value is discovered when their fruit matures

from enlightenment to accomplishment - from initiative to achievement.

Brian is such a person.  And being such a person, he also knows when others offer a similar
gift.  Recently he posted a link containing the keynote address at the National Prayer Breakfast.

The speaker was Randall Wallace, the screenwriter for the movie, Braveheart.
I invested 20 minutes to hear what this Hollywood Writer had to say to the world leaders
who were gathered in that room.  I was moved by his testimony and his simple call to prayer.
I was motivated and challenged as he inspired these leaders to pray.

The average Believer prays less than 3 minutes a day.

The average PASTOR - less than 5 minutes. 

How can we expect more from our leaders than we do of ourselves.
We need to recognize the power of prayer.  We need to become motivated to pray.


I always encourage my readers and my congregation to invest in motivation - particularly the kind that will produce Kingdom fruit.  I offer you this link and urge you to invest a few moments to receive from this funny, insightful caring person.  And, thanks Brian for bringing him to our attention.  




http://www.garydavidstratton.com/2011/culture-making/academy-award-winning-screenwriter-randall-wallace-braveheart-at-national-prayer-breakfast/