One day a few of years ago, I was working on a project in my house. I was "milling" around doing "the man thing", which in this case involved a plethora of power tools operating at what a competent craftsman would call "a mediocre level of skill". As I was demonstrating my prowess in artistic craftsmanship, I managed to run a power tool through a knot in a piece of wood I was working with. The knot broke loose and became a projectile. It seemingly developed the power of a small missile whose trajectory was targeted at my forehead. It found its mark with amazing accuracy. I never could have done that on purpose.
Performances of "the man thing" usually involve some level of personal injury. They are actually part of "the man script". Following any such injury is usually the mantra,
"I'm good! I'm okay!"
Groaning and grunts are also included in these moments. Sitcoms have made millions on the portrayal of "the man thing". Another attribute about "the man thing" is that after one incurs such an injury and has declared his strength in crisis, he must duly continue his duties, albeit with one less eye, arm or leg. To stop in mid project is to admit defeat and declare failure, or worse, to create another nameless evil which has its own mantra. This one shouts, "When are you ever going to finish that thing?" Needless to say, the project must go on.
The problem was as I continued on with the project, which had initially been progressing with some degree of success; I began to run into complications. Measurements were not going quite right. Pieces of the project were not coming together. What started out as a perfect "man thing" was rapidly deteriorating in front of me. My then four-year-old daughter happened to make her way out to the front yard where I was working, where she found me trying to control my anger over my incompetence. I glanced up at her to find a look on her face that measured somewhere between surprise and concern. She said four little words, "Dad, about your head…" In the heat of the evening, combined with the heat of the moment, it had not occurred to me that the wooden knot missile that had targeted me managed to carve a niche in my forehead. I was bleeding. Amidst the heat, the sweat and the frustration I hadn't even noticed the cut and the huge lump that accompanied it. Yet, it was there. Little wonder I was having trouble concentrating. I have enough holes in my head without adding anymore. She did not ask if I was okay. It was very clear to her that I was not okay. While icing down my wound, I made a telephone call which returned my sanity and gave me insight on how to do the job correctly.
The purpose for this story is this. People often find themselves in a position of having to do things in life that are not their greatest gift. Learning to budget finances, developing productive family relationships, building effective communications skills or even for some, picking up dirty laundry all seem to bring some to a place of frustrated incompetence in their life. It is guaranteed that in the mechanics of life development, sooner or later you will run a power tool over a knot and get hit in the head. I have counseled many people over the years who have expressed exactly that feeling - that they have been hit in the head by their problems. They become frustrated because their measurements do not go quite right. The pieces of their life are not coming together. Yet they continue to muddle along, trying to make it work when all the while the problems begin to compound.
Before I continue, I must say this. Give me someone who will do everything to press on through over someone who throws in the towel, sits down and quits ANY DAY! If both lead to failure, the former is at least a noble failure and thus, worth celebrating. The latter is just defeat and difficult to change. Change must occur. The determination to muddle through moment by moment without any real degree of true success is often an indicator that there is something wrong with your head. I am not suggesting mental incompetence but rather "stinkin' thinkin' ". Somewhere along the way, you got hit with a problem and it created a bleed. It created dizziness in your logic. It made it difficult to work your way through the problem and you cannot even understand why. Hey…about your head…!
Consider the allegory. View "the man thing" as your established way of thinking and doing. View the project as life situations. View the knot-missile as the occurrence or occurrences that shape or alter the way you are viewing those situations. View the lump as unseen distraction. View the blood as the feeling that life itself is seeping out of you. Finally, ask yourself what you could have done to avoid this encounter.
For myself, I could have paid attention to the details and how they would affect the future of the project. If I had looked for knots before working with the wood, I could have avoided the injury. Failing that, if I had paid attention to the detail that I received a blow to the head, a little cleaning of the wound and a little ice would have been a huge benefit to the project. A release of the pride that held me to "the man thing" might have persuaded me to ask someone more proficient than me to offer insight into the project. This act alone could have helped ensure success. It is even interesting to note that the problem was so obvious to the outside world that the insight of a four-year-old child was capable of bringing change -- in short, I should have caught it myself!
Therein lies the problem. In many situations in life, people are too close to the problem to catch it themselves. People view failure as defeat. But, people view the need for help as failure. They struggle through major issues in their life, compounding problem after problem until they are too deep to break free. As I stated earlier, an alternative action is to quit and expect everyone else to do what you should be doing -- unacceptable. The acceptable alternative is simple. It involves two considerations: the release of pride that says "you have to do it alone," and accountability which always leads you back to considering the wisdom of someone who can see what you cannot see. My four-year-old told me I needed to go clean myself up. She was right and I submitted to that wisdom. I even asked her if I did an acceptable job. In an odd kind of way, I chose to be accountable to her wise counsel.
What problems are you encountering? What kind of blood and sweat is dripping into your line of vision? What kind of bump on the head is making you dizzy in your life decisions? Who are you willing to hear? What level of accountability are you willing to embrace? Who can say to you, "Hey…about your head…!"
