Think Different

 ©️2022 Dr. Timothy Byler - All Rights Reserved

“Think Different.” This phrase became the advertisement slogan of Apple Computer Inc. in 1997. It was interesting that instead of considering what could happen if a person would expand their mind with a broader path of thought, some people attacked this major corporation’s new slogan as a grammatical error.

Thirty second grammar lesson: “Think differently would be correct if it follows the typical grammatical path of an adverb (think) being followed by an adjective (differently). However, the word different can be used as an adverb or an adjective. By example, consider this quote that was attributed to  Aman Jassal - “Read different to think differently; [the] world is already into [a] rat race.” 

(Dr. Albert P. Rayan - New Indian Express, ©️2016)

The argument caused me to think (see what I did there?). How often, when presented with something that challenges your current way of thinking, do you default to what you know, rather than allowing it for the moment to expand what you know. I am an “ol’ skool” guy. I like percolated coffee, 60’s cars, 70’s sitcoms, 80’s music, and movies from all of those eras. It is hard for me to think that the things I loved in the 90’s are now thirty years old! It is also hard for me to think that things I have always known have changed as technology, 

knowledge, and…well the world has changed. 

I will offer this by example. In the 80’s and 90’s, I worked in the automotive and transportation industry. One constant that we knew then was that if a person was replacing two tires on their car, we would instruct them to put the new tires on the front of the car - the wheels that would steer the car. It made sense. You wanted the car to be able to turn, and while you want traction from the drive wheels, you do not want the drive wheels to over-control the steering wheels. With the advent of front-wheel-drive, the rule stayed the same through the 90’s. Now, the drive tires and steering tires are on the same front wheels. 

The back tires just go along for the ride. 

One day the rules changed. The new recommendation was to put the new tires on the BACK of the car, leaving the older, more worn tires on the front of the car. That made NO sense to me. In fact, it flew in the face of everything I have been taught in the field! Upon further reflection, it did NOT oppose what I had learned on the race track, or in snowy and icy conditions. In those conditions, if you start to break traction, your natural tendency is to let off the accelerator. This was actually taught as practice in rear wheel drive cars. The back wheels decelerate, drawing the front of the car back into a modicum of control. Feather the throttle. Turn into the skid. Survive, recover and drive through it. However, in a front-wheel-drive car, if you let off of the accelerator, the FRONT wheels slow down. The back of the car does NOT! When that happens, the back of the car slides around and you go into a spin. In a front-wheel-drive car, instead of letting off, you continue to accelerate a little. The front tires keep traction and pull the rest of the car back into submission. During those years, people avoided buying front wheel drive cars because of this issue. In fact, I spent time on a skid pad with purchasers for law enforcement vehicles, trying to recover the sales contract we were about to lose because their department wrecked about a half dozen of their new Ford Taurus Interceptors in a couple of weeks. (I won BTW!)

All of this knowledge did not stop me from arguing with the person who wanted to put the two new tires I was purchasing for a friend’s vehicle on the BACK of his front-wheel-drive car. Regardless of my experience, my train of thought was stuck in what I had previously been taught and even personally recommended. Then, she (Great! some young girl is gonna educate ME about cars!) began to explain that in a skid, the back of the car will come around and spin you but if the tires with the best traction are on the trailing wheels, you have a far better chance of controlling the skid! I let my real life experiences catch up with what I was hearing and 

when I did - when I thought “different”, she was RIGHT!!! (AARRRGGHH!!!)

Steve Jobs thought different. There are certain foundational business truths. There are also certain scientific and technological truths. Both simply are what they are. Yet, Apple suffered calamity when its leaders reach beyond those bare foundational business truths to attach other “adopted” foundational truths. It led to Jobs being fired from his own company… and the systemic failure of that company. To survive, they had to bring the “different”. They had to bring back Steve Jobs. To be a leading company, not only in technology but an entity that has created a culture and a lifestyle required everyone to think different. If you can learn to do that, you can have a distinct advantage over those who are around you. And, you can shape not only what you are doing, but also impact everything that is touched by that which you are doing.

Think Different! It will not stop you from holding onto your foundational beliefs. In fact, we call them foundational beliefs for a reason. The things that are truly foundational remain so. It is only the things that are counted as foundational that really aren’t that are subject to revision. Thinking different will challenge you to reassess what you call foundational until you pare it back to what is truly foundational in God. THAT is when you truly become empowered by what He has afforded you. It is often the things that we attach to those foundational truths that hinder us the most! Jesus kept that message in front of everyone - 

especially disciples and Pharisees. 

The next time you are afforded the opportunity to have your opinion challenged, consider the challenge. You probably are not wrong in certain aspects. But, you may have missed something pertinent that would greatly alter the equation. The ability to look more broadly at something will likely reveal things that you already know, yet have never considered. It may even reveal something you simply never knew!

Remember, when God wants to help you grow, He will likely put someone in your path who will challenge you to THINK DIFFERENT!

The Heart Wins

 The Heart Wins - Dr. Timothy Byler

(c) 2022 - Timothy Byler - All Rights Reserved

The measure of success is hidden in one’s daily routine. This is a powerful truth. I recently attended my nephew’s college graduation ceremony. John Maxwell was the keynote speaker. In his challenge to the graduating students, he talked about “the do” and “the did”. He often encounters people who say to him, “I want to do what you do.” His response to them is always, “Are you willing to do what I did? In order to do what I do, you will most likely have to do what I did.” He drove the point home and it went something like this:

“If you want the “DO”, you have to do the “DID”. If you won’t do the “DID”, you will never get to do the “DO”. 

If you try to do the “DO” without doing the “DID”, you won’t be able to do the “DO”. 

And, you will wind up in deep DOO-DOO!

The daily routine - it will make or break you. Investing one dedicated hour per day will offer a compound interest on what you are wanting to accomplish. But in reality, it will offer you compound interest on who you are. Maxwell drove home his main point. (It’s cool when your batter can hit two grand slam home-runs in the same ball game.)

“Work on the inside more than you work on the outside. Who you are inside 

is what brings the real value to who you are on the outside.”

You are comprised of three elements - spirit, soul, and body. Your spirit is the “pneuma” - the breath of God that gives you life and your direct connection with Him. Your body is the physical form that functions here on the Earth. Your soul is the connector. It is our mind, our will, our intellect, and our emotions. It is the part that makes you, you. It is the inside. And, it is the place where victory really happens.

All of the training in the world cannot make up for what drives you from the inside.

A confluence of events: 

In the recent Kentucky Derby, there was a bit of an upset. With 80-1 odds, long shot horse, Rich Strike won with an astounding victory.

As I said, the odds were 80-1 against any hope of this champion becoming, well a champion.  He did not have the best starting position. He was not the biggest horse. He was not the “best” horse. (He was a $30,000 horse competing against multi-million dollar horses.) 

There was a confluence of events that led to Rich Strike’s victorious run. First, Rich Strike was trained by Eric Reed, a horse trainer who has before this moment, never trained a derby winner. In fact, before this horse, Eric Reed never even had a horse in the Kentucky Derby! Second, The owners walked through a devastating personal recovery. A few years ago, they suffered a terrible barn fire and lost 23 of their prize horses. Sonny Leon rode Rich Strike to victory. This was the first time he ever rode in a derby. Prior to the Kentucky Derby, Rich Strike had seven career starts. He had three shows and one win that happened at Churchill Downs.

Rich Strike, Reed, and Leon were up against,seemingly insurmountable odds. In fact, the only reason they got to race is that another horse, Ethereal Road, scratched from the race.

The confluence? Tragedy, recovery, a fresh approach, diligent training, and a break merged into one created opportunity. Each of those events fed into the heart of those who were involved. That confluence of events led each of the players in this story to a place that created in their hearts a champion. 

And the race goes to: THE ONE WITH THE MOST HEART!

The Book of Proverbs instructs us about the heart. 

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”

Proverbs 4:23 NLT

Another translation adds clarity. “From your heart flows ALL of the issues of life.”

Training is important. Diligence and discipline is important. Gaining wisdom and knowledge is important. But hidden within the daily routine that builds strength, muscle, knowledge, and wisdom, there also has to be a diligence toward guarding your heart. It protects you when adversity tries to dismantle your dream. It protects you when well meaning voices try to dissuade you from reaching for your dream. And, in the moments when it looks as though all odds are against you, that bigger, better horses, with bigger financial backers and better training are standing at the gate with you, it helps you remember what is inside - what God has placed inside of you. The heart wins!

Breaking Negativity

Dr. Timothy Byler

© 2022 Timothy Byler - All rights reserved

The greatest battlefield you will ever encounter and the most valuable piece of land for which you will ever fight is the one square foot of real estate between your ears. Every battle is won or lost in the mind.

You are a spirit being just as you are a natural being. As such, there are things you battle in the flesh (I.e., that piece of cake or the doughnut that beckons you to feast upon their deliciousness). There are also battles in the spirit. Many do not know how to even recognize these battles because of the insight necessary to see them. In reality, these battles are usually connected and at some level, both are present simultaneously. Every spiritual battle will manifest itself in the physical realm - with temptation, frustration, or worse - fear. The playing field for those battles doesn’t usually stay to the physical side or the spiritual side. They tend to cross into the neutral zone - the mind.

You are a three part being, consisting of spirit, soul, and body. Your soul is your mind, your will, your intellect, and your emotion. The soul is where battles are fought and won. It is for this reason that negativity becomes one of the tools of the enemy. It is a subtle tool. It is often wielded from without. Someone says something to you to pull you down or to distract you. They criticize and judge, and do so in a way that will cause you to begin to question your own validity. While not always easily fought, that sort of attack is frontal and usually recognizable. You see it coming and the battle becomes one of “how do I keep myself from giving in to it?” You know deep down exactly what it is and yet, your mind somehow finds a way to validate it.

The best way to fight that sort of negativity is to hold to truth. You must remember what God has made clear concerning HIS belief in YOU! Yeah, I said that correctly. We know we believe in God. We don’t always remember that part of faith is in knowing how much He believes in us… 

so much so that He paid a premium to protect His investment!

When the negative things come at you, you have to remain focused. Focus on your vision, on your purpose, and even on your dream. The negativity is designed to take you off your game and to get you to second guess yourself. It will cause you to shift your footing, slip, slow your momentum, or even lose your way. 

That isn’t the biggest danger of negativity. The biggest danger of negativity is that after it comes from the outside, it starts working FROM the inside. Inside negativity justifies us. It validates us when we feel disrespected or devalued. It is perhaps the only weapon that can be used to penetrate you, make you feel rearmed, and continue to damage you, even as you work to wield it.

In Romans 12:17, Paul instructs us to “never repay anyone with evil for evil, but to respect what is right in the sight of everyone.” He goes on to tell us that “if possible - as much as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.” For a long time, my initial thought always gravitated to “Well, I tried but he isn’t making it possible!” That sort of misses the point.

Paul warns us against letting the negativity of others eat at us from the inside. Consider: if negative people around you need to come to peace before you can find YOUR peace, your peace is now subject to them. It is no longer simply dependent on God. THAT is control. That is the place where others obtain the ability to control you. And in that moment, they have not stolen the control. Rather, you have released the high ground. You let them get you.

The carnal weapon against the negativity of others is YOUR negativity. It is highly dangerous - even toxic! When you return the negativity of others with your own negativity, you relinquish your ability to be effective in the spiritual battle. You ignore your spiritual armament.  You become entrenched in a carnal battle. You will even become skilled at it and win battle after battle - never realizing that in reality, you are losing the war! 

In Matthew 16, Jesus explained this carefully. The context of His words is often missed. “For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?” This has been pushed specifically to how we “accomplish” in life in order to go to Heaven. But if you read through all of it, Jesus was teaching about the soul battle - the spiritual mind vs. the carnal mind. Just prior to what He said, Jesus identified the difference between seeing things spiritually and seeing things carnally. He commended Peter on his ability to see who Jesus was through spiritual eyes rather than the eyes of man, and instructed the disciples that the very foundation upon which the church would be built was that ability to see into Heaven in order to operate successfully in the Earth. A moment later, when Jesus begin to share the negative circumstances He was about to face, Peter’s defenses rose. He valiantly pledged to defend Jesus against those who would try to destroy Him but Jesus rebuked Him, saying, “Get behind Me Satan…you are not setting your mind of a God’s interests but on man’s.”

Breaking negativity starts from the inside out. 

The negativity of others will always be present. There will always be an enemy who will try to discourage you, disparage you, or destroy you. That negativity cannot stop who you are. Nor can it stop the divine purpose for which you have been appointed! YOUR willingness to pick up the weapon of negativity CAN hinder your divine purpose and stop you from being who God has designed you to be.

GUARD YOURSELF! BREAK NEGATIVITY! Limit yourself from spending time and energy with negative people. You don’t have to love them less. You may have to love them from further away. It isn’t that they will bring you down. They will feed your own toxic negativity. Second, guard yourself against being negative. Do not yield to the temptation to be negative. You are gifted with a pass to the High Road. Take it! It is a better ride. Third, draw closer to God! Praise is the best weapon against negativity. Thank God for the purpose He has written for you and for the battle that He fights on your behalf. Thank Him for the strategy to win the war, not just survive the battle.

STAY POSITIVE!

FORWARD!

New Seasons

Dr. Timothy Byler

April 13, 2022

CLEAR!!! 

Hit it again.  CLEAR!!!

It has been six years since there was even a trace of life in this blog. Life changed. It moved on and the seeming effectiveness of my efforts here had waned. Or perhaps I convinced myself of that in a fervor of ADHD boredom and simply licensed myself to move on to something new.

Much has happened in that six year window. Children married. The church we pastored went through a tremendous growth spurt. We purchased a facility to house our training center. 

And… I got hit by lightning!

A lot of things happen when you experience a lightning strike. One would think that one’s life would flash in front of their eyes. Mine did not. One second, I was standing in the backyard in the rain, wearing nothing but a worn out pair of running shorts and earnestly coaxing my dog to  respond to the call of nature. The next second, there was a CRACK! and a sound like someone was crinkling the sort of cellophane wrapper one finds enveloping a gift basket of fruit.

My next conscious moment was me, laying on the ground in a puddle of water with my dog pawing at my shoulder in an attempt to awaken me. I believe that I am safe in saying that I am the only person who’s dog “laid hands” on him and was brought back to consciousness!

That lightning strike was not the beginning of a turn for me. Rather, it was just another shot in a war declared by an enemy intent on stopping what was already birthing in me. In the months surrounding that night, we suffered some major personal losses, revamped our ministry, navigated our way through a very complex multi million dollar purchase, and did so while being thrust headlong into a world wide pandemic. 

My last blog was July 4, 2016. In August of that year, I drew a line in the sand. I made a personal decision that something had to change - completely… totally…

I told God exactly that. It has been said, 

 “If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans.” 

I am not certain He was laughing. More likely He was saying, “Well… now it begins.”

If things didn’t change, I wasn’t going to make it. In that year, it felt that everything I valued came under fire. Scripture talks about “that which can be shaken will be shaken”. It is easy to preach. It is not so easy to live through. We had been displaced from our home during that time, due to a flood caused by a failure of a fifteen dollar valve in a toilet. The week that the restoration of our home was complete, Hurricane Matthew unleashed on our South Georgia community and brought with it a tornado that picked up five of our neighbors pine trees and dropped them on our house. We recovered. We got through it. We found the daylight. And I got hit by lightning!

Not all trouble is trouble. That is a phrase offered to me by my dearest brother, Dana Gammill. It is a phrase that was frequently uttered by his legendary father, Herchell. It is the phrase that got me through. It turns out, there is more than one way to renovate a home! When we purchased this one, we loved the space. We loved the property. We DID NOT love the house. To say that it was dated was an understatement. The inside was circa 1975 with a few walls adorned with some less than interesting 1980’s era wallpaper. And… it did not have a porch.

One flood and one tornado later - and $170,000 in restoration repairs - and the home is finally… home. The renovations we never could have afforded were afforded for us - all brought on by the calamity of trouble. And, I was learning a lesson. Like Paul, when faced with a shipwreck, you can consider what it means to drown, or you can hold onto the knowledge that God actually WILL complete what He begins in you. You just have to wash up on the correct island!

All of this seemingly random musing actually has a point. If I had known on the front end what I and my family were going to face as we embraced the call to move forward, I don’t know that I would have been so eager to take the step. It is easy to talk about faith that moves mountains. It is less so when you are standing there as the mountain looms over you with a foreboding shadow. Yet, we are not called to live in the shadows. We are called to shine light into the darkness.

For some of you reading this, your last season has been a shadow season. Most of us have suffered tremendous losses. Family and friends who succumbed to a dreaded virus, positions of employment shifted or eliminated, business owners finding themselves at a loss to even find employees, the list goes on.

Psalm 30:5 teaches us that “weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.” 

The rest of what David wrote is not simply a testimony of how God will pull you through. It is also a testimony 

of how David chose to respond to the knowledge that God DOES pull us through.

Today, with this post, I activated the defibrillator. It is time, not only to hear my heartbeat, but to listen to how closely it’s rhythm aligns with the heartbeat of the Master! Sometimes the night can last six years but look up! The Sun is on the horizon!

 Dr. T

The World's Greatest Quarterbacks

Recently a friend asked, "Who is the greatest NFL football quarterback in history?" His answer brought a paradigm shift in my thinking.

His pick for all time great NFL/QB offered the following statistics:

He was the second pick of first round draft his beginning year.

His team had nine losing seasons, breaking .500 once - the only time during his career that they finished higher than 3rd in their division.

During his 13 year career, he was sacked 340 times. Members of some opposing team actually "took it easy" on him and reporters offered that he should have gone down many more times than that, but his "swiftness in the face of no protection often saved him."

His record as a starter was 35-100-3: the worst for a quarterback with at least 100 starts.

None of his teams ever won a Super Bowl or even made the playoffs.

Yet: leading his team to a 7-9 record in 1978, UPI named him Player of the Year and later, UPI and Sporting News named him All NFC.

He was selected to the Pro Bowl in 1978-79.

He had 125 touchdowns in 3,642 passes; 2,011 of which were completed for a career total of 23,911 yards. Additionally, he rushed 2,197 yards for 18 touchdowns. At his retirement, this ranked him 17th in NFL history. And, while the New Orleans Saints do not officially retire a number, they have never reissued a number 8 to another player.

If you are a football fan, by now you have figured out that the quarterback is Archie Manning.

You may be wondering, "Why would you pick a guy who ranked 17th, who never won a Super Bowl or even a playoff?"

The answer is simple.

Your success cannot always be measured by the numbers. If you have the best arm in the league, it is still only as effective as the guys catching the ball. If you have the fastest reflexes, they are still subject to those who are supposed to defend you against the guys coming to take you down.

If you execute the play flawlessly, you are still subject to the coach who established which plays are available to be run.

In short, your "stats" are in the hands of - and at the mercy of - many others around you.

However, what is in YOU is not! In spite of being on failing teams, Archie Manning still made player of the year and was chosen twice for the Pro Bowl. He had the respect of his colleagues and his fans for a job well done against insurmountable odds.

What made him the best? Legacy. What Archie Manning had inside of him that caused him to fight his good fight was passed down to two sons: Peyton and Eli Manning. Both brothers carried their father's determination, life lessons and legacy into their own NFL careers. Both sons have two Super Bowl rings each to show for it.

Without an Archie Manning, there would be no Payton nor  Eli Manning and football in the last decade would have missed a tremendous gift.

Success is not measured by stats. It is measured by what you put in - by how much you leave out on the field.

This sounds like a story about Archie Manning but in reality, it is about another of the greatest men in the world.

My Dad, Dr. Philip Byler, was an Archie Manning. When he was ordained into ministry, he was like a first round draft pick. Where most of his peers would see a couple of ministers sign and witness their ordinations, my father had about 100 men stand with him and sign his.

He was a "rising star" within his church denomination. Pioneering his first church, he worked with a mobile home company to develop and build a modular church building - a pattern that would be followed by church plants throughout the denomination for the next decade and beyond.

Dad found himself swimming in the headwaters of what would be known as the "Charismatic Movement", leading people to a deep and sincere power filled relationship with the Holy Spirit. He prayed for people and saw many miracles. His stance on healing prayer caused him to face the rejection of those who had a year before, seen him as the future. Yet, undaunted he pursued what God showed him - even at great personal cost.

He served in the wings of great men and movements. We led worship for National Leadership Conferences with leaders that later launched People of Destiny He was in the head waters of the Discipleship Movement. When some of the founding leaders of that movement crossed lines which led to abuse of power, without showing dishonor to those leaders, God allowed Dad to be a voice of reason and healing to many who had suffered damage.

Dad broke cultural barriers in the cities and communities of all of the churches he served or pioneered, settling racial and cultural tensions by choosing not to be "multi-cultural" but instead opting to lead his congregations to be "kingdom-cultural".

With the advent of the 90's revivals - the Toronto's, Brownsville's and Cornfield's - Dad's ministry saw many similar manifestations. He saw a man with no eyes see through an empty eye socket. He saw barren women find healing that allowed them to have children. He saw cancers disappear, holes in hearts sealed up, and even once in Maryland, saw a man raised from the dead during one of his Sunday services. He was doing as Jamie Buckingham used to say: "He was blooming where he was planted."

Serving near Annapolis Naval Academy and later Fort Stewart, Georgia, heh ministered to lives and families of Sailors, Marines, Coastguardsmen and later Army as they faced two wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Then, there was a new movement - the New Apostolic Reformation. Dad took a manuscript he started in the 1980's - a manuscript that was a doctorate level of education from the school of hard knocks - a document that reflected on all of the lessons learned along the path of ministry orchestrated for him by God - and he turned it into a book: "The Changing Church and the Unchanging Kingdom". The year it was released, C. Peter Wagner, then President of the International Coalition of Apostles held that book up during the International Conference and stated, "This should be required reading for every person in this room. This is a textbook of what the Apostolic Movement is supposed to be." It was a powerful moment, and having lived out what was printed in that book, I was so proud of my Dad and that what he had lived and written so clearly identified with what God was doing.

On a train ride through India, a dear friend, Moses Choudarry said to me concerning my father, "He has been in the headwaters of every movement God in which has placed him. He is a forerunner and because of that, people do not understand him. He sees what they cannot yet see and as a result, they cannot relate to him. Too late do such people realize the blessing such a man is to their lives."

That is his record. Those are his stats. Through the years, many of the players he trusted let defenders through the line and he got sacked. Some of those players even did so intentionally, and relished seeing him hit the ground. Yet every time, Dad got back up, grabbed the ball and called the play. He did not build a single mega church. Yet to this day, Pastors in the cities where he "bloomed" know his name and attribute his leadership to those who served under him who now make a vast difference in their organizations. There are people alive today and some who would never have been born, except that Dad took time to minister, pray and believe with them for a miracle.

And...he produced a son and a daughter. Both of whom have gone on to continue what he placed in them. They have been graced to be among teams that can make the playoffs. As for Superbowl rings - who knows? But honestly, for those two kids - who's counting. Both have become fully embedded into what God is having them do for His kingdom and have learned from their father that you accomplish more with hour eye on the goal post than you ever will with your eye on the scoreboard!

Here's to Philip Byler - "Dr. Phil" - the greatest quarterback in God's Football Hall of Fame. Welcome to the NFL!

Archie Manning stats from Wikipedia
 © 2016 Timothy Byler - All Rights Reserved.

Birthday Thank You...Words are not Enough

As I turned 50 years old this week, I found myself overwhelmed. It wasn’t by the thought of a half-century behind me. It wasn’t the thought of what hasn’t been accomplished or dreams yet unfulfilled. I was overwhelmed by joy, and by love, and by what the future holds.

Hundreds of people connected with me this week with birthday wishes, presents or words of encouragement.  These are people to whom God has allowed me a connection; and while the individual nature of each of those relationships differ, one thing remains the same. There is love in my heart for every one of them. And, there is a great measure of thankfulness that God has graced me to have them in my life.

I am blessed with a full life. I have a beautiful family. I have parents who raised me well and who love and care for me deeply. I pastor the most amazing church on the planet – full of people who just simply amaze me. God has blessed me to have the opportunity to minister and make friends around the globe.  Life is indeed full.

But that fullness is not found in the opportunity to travel, to minister, to play concerts or to motivate others from a platform. That fullness is found in one simple word: relationship.

I am blessed for the relationships in my life. Everything for which God designed us, and in fact His creation, is surrounded in relationship. For instance, the flowers flourish because of their relationship with the bees. The ground benefits from its relationship with the ocean, which waters draw their functionality by recycling through the atmosphere to again rain down upon the earth.

Relationship is not simply important. Relationship is life! Sometimes it is fragile. Sometimes expectations fall short and even brokenness can occur. But God in His mercy continues to afford for us those relationships that heal and make us flourish. More so, He offers to us a relationship like no other- loving us unconditionally and without reservation. If we can simply grasp this, our lives our not simply preserved. They are enriched.

I have a rich life. It is rich because of my relationship with God. It is rich because of the relationship I have with my beautiful wife and my amazing kids. It is rich because of the relationship I have with others. The future is bright because it is already full. And for everyone who is there, I am grateful and full of love.

Thanks for being in my life and for making it better. Thanks for the joy of allowing me to know you in the past half century of my life. I look forward to what God will do in all of us in the years ahead.

Thanks for loving me.

Tim

Constructive Criticism...REALLY?

Constructive Criticism...REALLY?

Dr. Timothy Byler

Criticize: v. 1: to express disapproval of (someone or something) : to talk about the problems or faults of (someone or something), 2: to consider the merits and demerits of and judge accordingly, 3: to find fault with :  point out the faults of

Constructive: adj. 1: helping to develop or improve something : helpful to someone instead of upsetting and negative 2: of or relating to construction or creation 3: :  promoting improvement or development 

Oxymoron: n. :  a combination of contradictory or incongruous words (as cruel kindness); broadly :  something (as a concept) that is made up of contradictory or incongruous elements

"Can I offer you some constructive criticism?" In my younger days, I was taught to welcome that question. With a few years under my belt and with time and training developing as a life coach, that question that raises my hackles...and my suspicions.

Ask someone to define constructive criticism and they will tell you that it is "caring enough to point out what is wrong in order to help someone improve." It sounds great. What that definition fails to consider is that in most cases, "what is wrong" is subject to the opinion of the critic.

There are several things to consider. First, the person best qualified to speak into your life or future is the person who has a proven to believe in you. That person is also one who has proven to be an encourager who edifies and builds you up. That person is one who is trusted to have not only your best interests at heart, but a person that considers that your dream and vision ARE in your best interests. If you are not fulfilling your dream, your life will experience a vacuum, or even fall into mediocrity. 

True coaches, if they offer a critique, do so by invitation. They are wise enough to realize that unsolicited advice is often unwelcome advice. More importantly, it is unheeded advice. True coaches are not big on expending efforts into unproductive encounters. More importantly, true coaches realize that their advice is an investment. When you invest, you expect a return. As a coach, the insight that I offer presents two returns. One is financial remuneration, which means that the advice offered was sought. There is an arrangement and the success and fulfillment of the dream is the goal, for both the client and the coach. The second and greater return is in the satisfaction of seeing the success of the client come into fruition. I LOVE SEEING DREAMS COME TRUE! I revel in it. I celebrate it. Whether I am working with a coaching client, a person I am mentoring, or a congregant in the church where I serve as pastor, I revel in their success. I am like Hannibal on the A-Team: "I LOVE it when a plan comes together!"

In my experience, the person that asks, "Can I offer you some constructive criticism?" is about to give you half of what they just offered. And they are going to give it to you whether or not you want to hear it or not. The half you are about to receive is the criticism. The half that is missing is the constructive part. Unsolicited constructive criticism is simply...criticism. It is the voiced disapproval of someone who does not agree with what they believe is occurring in your life. The phrase "Constructive criticism" is the license for a person to complain without acknowledging that he or she is a complainer. And, while some of the criticism may be accurate, more often it does not accurately speak to the fulfillment of your dream, but rather to the dismantling of it. The criticism does not build you up. It tears you down. It does not encourage. It discourages. It seldom offers solutions, but points out perceived fallacies. And, it usually comes from people who are so myopic that everything they speak to is something that is affecting their immediate world...something that is bothering or irritating them. In short, their "helping you" is more about "helping you stop bothering them". It is about control.

Constructive criticism is an oxymoron. It is the attempted combining of contradiction. In this case, it is the declaration that a person makes that says, "I will point out what I disapprove of and what I judge to be a fault in you, so that I can build you into what I think you would be better off being." Most certainly, that argument will draw fire. That fire will probably come from a critic, who has just been "outed".  Some will parse words and point out the value of critique. But the fact remains that even if the intent is good, the practice is faulty, because in most cases, the underlying motive of the critic is skewed by the critical nature of the critic.  There advice often brings change to a behavior. But just as often, it breaks the momentum of the person they critique. It doesn't build them up. It only stops them. Therefore, it is not constructive, but destructive.

Be wise. Consider carefully not only the advice you receive, but the advisor. Be certain that such an advisor has a proven track record; not only of believing in you, but also of believing in your dream. Not everyone is qualified to speak to your dream...even if they are an expert. 

They way to tell the difference?

Look for those who build you up, who love your dream and who walk with you toward solutions. Look for those who ask and consider the full scope of your path before pointing out the obstacles and the detours. Look for those who have taken consideration the entirety of your journey rather than complaining about the construction on one section of the street.

The true coach will build you up. And if he sees an area that could use a better approach, he will not criticize. He will not offer critique. He will guide and offer alternate solutions. And, he will walk with you, not only through the muddy detour, but back to the highway of your future.