What
makes you happy? One of the things at I have tried to do in being a dad is not
train you into "happiness". Too often, people are taught what
happiness is supposed to look like, feel like, and as a result...be. It is
measured by most people through the pursuit of pleasure or personal satisfaction. Some
tie it to the feeling that comes from success and achievement. In pursuit of
the ministry that surrounds my life, my approach was different. I was taught that happiness is really
achieved when you are making a difference in someone else's life. There is a
truth to this statement. I can honestly say
I have found happiness in making a difference in others. I can also say,
I have poured out my life to others, only to look up and find a huge void in
the happiness chamber of my life.
Happiness,
success, fulfillment...they all have commonalities but they are different. I
have met people who are extremely successful, yet never fulfilled. I have met
people who's lives are very fulfilled yet seem to have no measurable success
that even they can identify. And, I have
met successful people with full and by their own admission, fulfilled lives,
who wrestle with an acute lack of happiness.
I
suffered a personal failure in that I developed the belief that as the road to
happiness must include others, I must invite them on the journey to
happiness. I opened the door to the bus,
announced the destination and said, "welcome aboard". In retrospect,
I am amazed at the number of people willing to board the bus without any
thought given to whether or not they really wanted to take the journey or why.
Some seemed to just want to go along for the ride. One thing for certain - in
those cases, I picked up the tab for the fare. I also experienced a major
letdown because I allowed the picture of my happiness to include those who were on the bus. We were headed to happiness, but when the doors opened and the passengers disembarked,
I discovered who were simply, passengers.
Relationships
(including some I fostered for years) that carried for me a certain depth
proved to be not nearly as deep as I had chosen to believe. For while I heavily
invested myself in their happiness, their investment in mine evaporated when
the moment came where I needed to be able to draw on them. On my journey to
happiness, I hit a roadblock and when I turned to those who had been riding the
bus, I discovered that the bus was empty. Or in other words, at my point of
need I reached out to my closest and
most highly invested relationships to discover that they would not even pick up
a phone. I realized then that it doesn't matter the extent that you love, you
cannot expect that the
same level of love is reciprocated.
I know
that this may sound bitter, but it is not. If there is any real frustration on
my part, it is with myself. Extending myself to others is a pleasure for me.
The acquisition of things - the "having" part of pleasure - was in
relationships; in having the ability to effectively bring betterment to others.
The price I paid was that in "having" those relationships, I was no
longer able to "be" who I was created to be. I had to "be"
something else to fulfill the need of those relationships.
It has
been said that genuine happiness can only be achieved when we transform our way
of life from the unthinking pursuit of pleasure to one committed to enriching
our inner lives, when we focus on 'being more' rather than simply having more.
Though I was in the pursuit of happiness for others, it was still the pursuit
of pleasure at the price of the enrichment of my own life. That which should
have allowed me to be more became that which drained me and made me become
empty inside.
You
should always extend yourself to people.
Each of you have inside a great gift
of life. It was imparted to you by the Creator. It was fostered by your mother
and by me. It was designed to feed your
joy and your happiness as it feeds the happiness of others. It is NOT designed
to build in you an expectation from those to whom you offer that gift.
Your
happiness needs to come from God. It
needs to be found in the personal joys that excite you. It needs to be
experienced through the flavors of life that righteously appeal to your
palette. I cast aside many things that brought me joy - things that fed my
personal happiness - because of the needs and expectations of others. I poured
my happiness experience into others, expecting them to in turn fill what they
were not capable or willing to fill...and I became empty. Do not cast those things aside. Do not
sacrifice the artistry and joy in you because of the mindset of others. Always
keep for yourself a measure of time and money to afford those things that will
feed your soul and enrich your happiness.
Love God. Love people who all of your
heart.
Give all of yourself but never give UP yourself in the process.
For me - I sold the bus. I bought a taxi. There are far fewer seats. The fare is higher. There are far fewer passengers. However, the passengers are truly engaged. Those who have access to the passenger list are those who truly want to be there. And the beauty? The taxi can actually go places the bus can never go, allowing the passengers to experience what those in the bus will miss. The view from the taxi is greater, allowing you to see in greater detail the beauty of your surroundings. The seats are closer and the noise is less, allowing for real communication between the passengers. Maintaining a bus means keeping the schedule for the sake of the passengers. There is no time for the things which are enriching for you. The taxi can take you and the ones who really choose to ride with you to the things which feed you personally and mutually. It is proving to be a far better vehicle on the road to happiness.
Have I
lost friends? No, not really. I discovered who was and who really wasn't.
Perhaps for the first time, I am finding true friends because I am only now
discovering what true friendship really is.
Love God.
Be yielded to Him. Love others with all of your heart. But as I said, never give
yourself up in the process. Who you are is a gift from God. Take care of that gift.
Feed it wisely. Be
happy!
Dad
