Trust – it is one of the greatest offerings anyone can
afford you. It is a foundation stone in
very relationship. As you navigate through life, you will most likely discover
that it is one of the more complicated aspects of life. The reason is simple –
trust involves
relationship and
all relationships are based on trust.
People trust based upon their belief. Whether they want to
admit it or not, people always live their life by their belief. In other words,
their actions are the clearest indicator of what they believe. God’s greatest desire of us is to believe…so
much so that He made it the foundation for our salvation.
John 3:16 “…that he who believes in Him should not
perish
but have everlasting life.”
People relate to people based upon their belief. As a
result, people trust you based upon their belief. That belief can be fostered
and affected in different ways. Circumstances where a person’s trust is
violated affects how that
person believes you or anyone else can be trusted.
Even if they choose
to trust, there will usually be misgivings and fear that
eventually,
the trust they offer you will be violated “just like last time.”
How a person was raised can affect their ability to trust
you. If they were taught, “this is how
people are”, they will measure your actions based upon that teaching. You
become stereotyped, making it difficult to truly be received at face value.
There is another trust issue that is likely the most
powerful.
People by nature measure you based upon their lives, not just their
experiences. Proverbs 23:7 offers that “For
as he thinks in his heart, so is
he. ‘Eat and drink!’ he says to you, but his heart is not with you.” What a
person carries in his heart dictates his belief – about himself, about
God and
about you.
If a person is by nature a “taker”, he will eventually
question what you are after in the relationship. If a person is a manipulator,
your actions will be measured as manipulation. If a person plays “mind games”,
your words will begin to look to them as a mind game. In short, a person will measure your actions
based on how they will act in a given situation.
Jesus identified with this in Luke 6:37-38 when He said, “Judge not, and you shall not be judged.
Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together,
and running over shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that
you use, it will be
measured back to you.”
The common teaching is “Judge
not, and you shall not be judged…” meaning that if you judge someone,
sooner or later someone will judge you. Actually, God is trying to communicate
that because He has forgiven us, refused to condemn us and loved us when He had
reason to judge and destroy us, we should be that way toward others. His words
in Luke immediately prior to this say, “Be
merciful, just as your Father is also merciful.”
But perhaps the greatest key is found in the last phrase,
“For with the same measure that you use,
it
will be measured back to you.”
This
is where the point is made. People tend to measure each other based upon the
measuring cup they use in their own actions. The default position is to
expect others to do it the way they would do it. You will find yours is the
same.
There is great pain in trust – particularly if you choose to
trust in the manner in which I have tried to teach you. My default is to give
people the benefit of the doubt – to take them at face value and hope for
authenticity. It is what we are taught…
Philippians 4:8
“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything
praiseworthy—meditate on these things.”
You have probably already realized that though you offer
these things toward others, it is not going to be reciprocated. Therein is the
pain -you trust wholeheartedly only to have your
trustworthiness questioned. When it occurs, you find yourself constantly having
to prove and reprove yourself. It is painful and wearisome.
Still, the other option is to trust as the world does – to
measure trust based on the proof of that trust.
One of my heroes, President Ronald Reagan offered during the breakdown
of the cold war, “Trust, but verify.” This is sound advice in dealing with
atomic missiles (and other things). It sets a precedent for relationships.
People who are ready to lob missiles at you need to be barricaded from your
life. They are a danger to you and a threat to your future.
But not everyone is an enemy. Most are just caught in their
own measure of life. For them, you are better to trust as God does. Thank Him every day that He does not extend Reagan’s
“Trust but verify” logic into your
life.
God chooses to trust you when He
has verified that you are going to completely ignore His heart.
He trusts you
enough to let you “pull away” from His presence,
even when it means allowing
you to create a breach
in the relationship.
People you trust will love you. They will also fail you.
Don’t let that be your life measure. Be authentic if no one else is willing to
be, for God is. Trust as God trusts. And in times when those around you fail
you remember: He does not fail you.
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