Birthday Thank You...Words are not Enough

As I turned 50 years old this week, I found myself overwhelmed. It wasn’t by the thought of a half-century behind me. It wasn’t the thought of what hasn’t been accomplished or dreams yet unfulfilled. I was overwhelmed by joy, and by love, and by what the future holds.

Hundreds of people connected with me this week with birthday wishes, presents or words of encouragement.  These are people to whom God has allowed me a connection; and while the individual nature of each of those relationships differ, one thing remains the same. There is love in my heart for every one of them. And, there is a great measure of thankfulness that God has graced me to have them in my life.

I am blessed with a full life. I have a beautiful family. I have parents who raised me well and who love and care for me deeply. I pastor the most amazing church on the planet – full of people who just simply amaze me. God has blessed me to have the opportunity to minister and make friends around the globe.  Life is indeed full.

But that fullness is not found in the opportunity to travel, to minister, to play concerts or to motivate others from a platform. That fullness is found in one simple word: relationship.

I am blessed for the relationships in my life. Everything for which God designed us, and in fact His creation, is surrounded in relationship. For instance, the flowers flourish because of their relationship with the bees. The ground benefits from its relationship with the ocean, which waters draw their functionality by recycling through the atmosphere to again rain down upon the earth.

Relationship is not simply important. Relationship is life! Sometimes it is fragile. Sometimes expectations fall short and even brokenness can occur. But God in His mercy continues to afford for us those relationships that heal and make us flourish. More so, He offers to us a relationship like no other- loving us unconditionally and without reservation. If we can simply grasp this, our lives our not simply preserved. They are enriched.

I have a rich life. It is rich because of my relationship with God. It is rich because of the relationship I have with my beautiful wife and my amazing kids. It is rich because of the relationship I have with others. The future is bright because it is already full. And for everyone who is there, I am grateful and full of love.

Thanks for being in my life and for making it better. Thanks for the joy of allowing me to know you in the past half century of my life. I look forward to what God will do in all of us in the years ahead.

Thanks for loving me.

Tim

Constructive Criticism...REALLY?

Constructive Criticism...REALLY?

Dr. Timothy Byler

Criticize: v. 1: to express disapproval of (someone or something) : to talk about the problems or faults of (someone or something), 2: to consider the merits and demerits of and judge accordingly, 3: to find fault with :  point out the faults of

Constructive: adj. 1: helping to develop or improve something : helpful to someone instead of upsetting and negative 2: of or relating to construction or creation 3: :  promoting improvement or development 

Oxymoron: n. :  a combination of contradictory or incongruous words (as cruel kindness); broadly :  something (as a concept) that is made up of contradictory or incongruous elements

"Can I offer you some constructive criticism?" In my younger days, I was taught to welcome that question. With a few years under my belt and with time and training developing as a life coach, that question that raises my hackles...and my suspicions.

Ask someone to define constructive criticism and they will tell you that it is "caring enough to point out what is wrong in order to help someone improve." It sounds great. What that definition fails to consider is that in most cases, "what is wrong" is subject to the opinion of the critic.

There are several things to consider. First, the person best qualified to speak into your life or future is the person who has a proven to believe in you. That person is also one who has proven to be an encourager who edifies and builds you up. That person is one who is trusted to have not only your best interests at heart, but a person that considers that your dream and vision ARE in your best interests. If you are not fulfilling your dream, your life will experience a vacuum, or even fall into mediocrity. 

True coaches, if they offer a critique, do so by invitation. They are wise enough to realize that unsolicited advice is often unwelcome advice. More importantly, it is unheeded advice. True coaches are not big on expending efforts into unproductive encounters. More importantly, true coaches realize that their advice is an investment. When you invest, you expect a return. As a coach, the insight that I offer presents two returns. One is financial remuneration, which means that the advice offered was sought. There is an arrangement and the success and fulfillment of the dream is the goal, for both the client and the coach. The second and greater return is in the satisfaction of seeing the success of the client come into fruition. I LOVE SEEING DREAMS COME TRUE! I revel in it. I celebrate it. Whether I am working with a coaching client, a person I am mentoring, or a congregant in the church where I serve as pastor, I revel in their success. I am like Hannibal on the A-Team: "I LOVE it when a plan comes together!"

In my experience, the person that asks, "Can I offer you some constructive criticism?" is about to give you half of what they just offered. And they are going to give it to you whether or not you want to hear it or not. The half you are about to receive is the criticism. The half that is missing is the constructive part. Unsolicited constructive criticism is simply...criticism. It is the voiced disapproval of someone who does not agree with what they believe is occurring in your life. The phrase "Constructive criticism" is the license for a person to complain without acknowledging that he or she is a complainer. And, while some of the criticism may be accurate, more often it does not accurately speak to the fulfillment of your dream, but rather to the dismantling of it. The criticism does not build you up. It tears you down. It does not encourage. It discourages. It seldom offers solutions, but points out perceived fallacies. And, it usually comes from people who are so myopic that everything they speak to is something that is affecting their immediate world...something that is bothering or irritating them. In short, their "helping you" is more about "helping you stop bothering them". It is about control.

Constructive criticism is an oxymoron. It is the attempted combining of contradiction. In this case, it is the declaration that a person makes that says, "I will point out what I disapprove of and what I judge to be a fault in you, so that I can build you into what I think you would be better off being." Most certainly, that argument will draw fire. That fire will probably come from a critic, who has just been "outed".  Some will parse words and point out the value of critique. But the fact remains that even if the intent is good, the practice is faulty, because in most cases, the underlying motive of the critic is skewed by the critical nature of the critic.  There advice often brings change to a behavior. But just as often, it breaks the momentum of the person they critique. It doesn't build them up. It only stops them. Therefore, it is not constructive, but destructive.

Be wise. Consider carefully not only the advice you receive, but the advisor. Be certain that such an advisor has a proven track record; not only of believing in you, but also of believing in your dream. Not everyone is qualified to speak to your dream...even if they are an expert. 

They way to tell the difference?

Look for those who build you up, who love your dream and who walk with you toward solutions. Look for those who ask and consider the full scope of your path before pointing out the obstacles and the detours. Look for those who have taken consideration the entirety of your journey rather than complaining about the construction on one section of the street.

The true coach will build you up. And if he sees an area that could use a better approach, he will not criticize. He will not offer critique. He will guide and offer alternate solutions. And, he will walk with you, not only through the muddy detour, but back to the highway of your future.

Thoughts Regarding Life By the Law

In recent days, I have had some interesting dialogue among friends regarding how we are to live, how to follow Christ and where does the "law" as defined in the Old Testememnt comes to play. 

This may be a bit lengthy, and no doubt it will become a reason to spark debate. I am not writing to enter debate. I am writing to state a truth...a truth that was established by God, was fulfilled by His son and is perfected in His children. There is no debate in which to engage.

John 13:34 states: "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” 

Jesus, whom the Pharisees and keepers of the law deny, made this statement to the disciples. He was establishing that there was a new and better way being put into motion. He was about to offer Himself as the final sacrifice - something that once occurring would eliminate the need to continue the law's practice of sacrifice. To eliminate part of the law and to keep other sections is to pick and choose what part of the law will be followed. Such action would later prove in scripture to be a source of great confusion. God is not the author of confusion.

In John 9, Jesus healed a blind man. He apparantly made a mistake because He healed the man on the wrong day. It was the Sabbath. Jesus ignored the law. The Pharisees were furious! They declared that Jesus was NOT ofGod because He ignored the  law. Then, they turned their judgmental attack to the man who had the misfortune of being healed on the wrong day. They excommunicated him. Their reason: "You are a disciple of Jesus. We are disciples of Moses." They made the distinction between those who are true Christians and those who are not. Jesus bypassed the law of Moses and the follower he converted in that moment was an outcast.

The Law of Moses is the previous covenant. The Law of love is the law of Christ. His covenant supersedes the covenant.

In Matthew 5, Jesus communicated that He did not come to destroy the law. He came to fulfill it.

To fulfill: The Greek word fulfill is πληρόω  (pronounced pla-ro'-o). It means to make full, accomplish, make complete, to perfor or execute.

This is the same Jesus who healed on the Sabbath, violating the law. His next statement was that "...not one jot or tittle will pass from the law until all is fulfilled." That would include among other things animal sacrifice. At the cross, the contract of the Old Covenant was fulfilled. The contract was paid. The first indicator of the change from Old Covenant practice was immediate. The veil in the temple - the barrier between God and man - the wall for Holy of Holies, where the priests would sprinkle the blood that was offered by the law - was ripped open. It demonstrated that the Holy of Holies was no longer holding court in the temple. There was now no place to sprinkle the blood of the sacrifice of the law! The disciples of Moses had no means of fulfilling their lawful responsibilities.

But wait! The next thing Jesus said was this:

"Whoever therefore breaks one of the least of these commandments, and teaches men so, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever does and teaches them, he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 5:19

See. Perhaps the law is still on track. But what is missed is that He said whoever breaks the least of these shall be called the least in the kingdom. But this would mean that such a person is still connected to the Kingdom. You are either part of that Kingdom or you are not. The context of what Jesus was communicating through His entire message is ignored as these verses are 'cherry-picked" and taken out of context. He was offering "commands" or, in Greek,  (en-to-la') which is defined as an order, a precept, or a charge. Even the Strong offers that by Jewish tradition, this word infers the Mosaic law. Again, you cannot dismiss that Jesus intentionally violated that law.

He was referring to all that He had just taught. He had just offered detailed instructions or "commands" on how to fulfill the Law of Christ which is the Law of Love. It is defined in the first 15 verses of Matthew 5. It is an exposition on how to be salt and light, and how to let people  see the love of Christ.

Righteousness is not found in what you eat or in making certain that your clothes are not made of blended fabric. It is not found in making certain that animal you are about to sacrifice is truly unblemished.  That is the righteousness of Pharisees and ours is supposed to exceed that righteousness. You cannot exceed that righteousness by trying to live by that law. You have to live by a superseding covenant: a New Covenant that is addressed in the heart.

Do not murder. Yet murder begins in the tongue. The very word "murder" finds its roots in the "word of your mouth". It is the wrong judgment of those who live "less than" you live. And even if you do not actually say it, according to Jesus, are commit it of you are carrying it in your thoughts. Because those thoughts run contrary to the Law of Love.

Under the Old Covenant, I have to sell my car. The seats are made of blended materials, including the leather of unclean animals. I have to replace my wardrobe because my clothing also has blended materials. I need to stop everything at sundown on Friday until until sundown on Saturday. Or, since the Pharisees ignored that one, (after all, Jesus reminded them that if their ox fell into a ditch, they would violate the sabbath to rescue it...apparantly as long as it wasn't blind and needed healing) perhaps we can let that go. 

Under the Old Covenant I must make certain that I have appropriate housing for my slaves, which now allows me to consider that Old Covenant reality allows me to have slaves. And you can try to wordsmith this but the Old Testament minced NO WORDS about the definition of a slave. Ask ANY Jew their opinion of that sort of oppression.

I am also now heavy in my heart because after being involved in a ministry wherein we have had to deal with rape cases, if I am to fulfill the law, there are a number of women who did not disclose their rape to anyone before they married. As it became apparent that their virginity was not intact, we must now fulfill the law and kill them.

The "Law" leaves NO room for forgiveness...only atonement when the correct steps and sacrifices have been processed. 

Micah 6:6-8 was an Old Testement prophetic word that spoke of the "New Requirement" - the one that Jesus would teach in under the New Covenant.

"With what shall I come before the LORD, And bow myself before the High God? Shall I come before Him with burnt offerings, With calves a year old? Will the LORD be pleased with thousands of rams, Ten thousand rivers of oil? Shall I give my firstborn for my transgression, The fruit of my body for the sin of my soul? He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justly, To love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God?" Micah 6:6-8

Micah was prophesying that the Old Covenant measures were being made obsolete by God because a New Covenant was about to be established.

Consider this. Peter brought specific correction to the Christian leaders of the early church. He admonished them because they were forcing those who embraced Christ to subject themselves to the law. He told the leaders that they were wrong  to enforce the requirements of the law.

"And when there had been much dispute, Peter rose up and said to them: “Men and brethren, you know that a good while ago God chose among us, that by my mouth the Gentiles should hear the word of the gospel and believe. So God, who knows the heart, acknowledged them by giving them the Holy Spirit, just as He did to us, and made no distinction between us and them, purifying their hearts by faith. Now therefore, why do you test God by putting a yoke on the neck of the disciples which neither our fathers nor we were able to bear? But we believe that through the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ we shall be saved in the same manner as they.” Acts 15:7-11 

Paul and Barnabus followed up in this manner:

"For it seemed good to the Holy Spirit, and to us, to lay upon you no greater burden than these necessary things: that you abstain from things offered to idols, from blood, from things strangled, and from sexual immorality. If you keep yourselves from these, you will do well. Farewell." Acts 15:28-29

No one can keep every part of the law. It is impossible. But it is NOT impossible to fulfill the Law of Christ - the Law of Love. It is the New Covenant.

150 Days

And the waters prevailed on the earth one hundred and fifty days. Genesis‬ ‭7‬:‭24‬ NKJV



150 days... That is how long the waters lasted after it quit raining. I sometimes try to imagine what it must have been like for Noah and his family. After suffering the mockery of the building of the ark, they moved out of their dwelling places to reside in a floating zoo. They have said goodbye to their neighbors families and left them for dead, after hearing them claw at the doors of the ark.

The first storm they ever experienced lasted 40 days. When it was over, they had not lost simply their homes and families, they lost the world. There was nothing but water all around. What level of despair must have entered their hearts?

150 days. That is how long it took for the waters to subside on the earth. After weathering a storm that lasted more than a month, Noah and his family lived on that ark while the waters took 150 days to go away. I can imagine the anticipation that was in the hold of that ark as the door opened at the end of 150 days. To finally be freed of this prison - to escape from the zoo - for life to get back to normal - to taste an apple or an orange or a pomegranate - to feel the grass on my bare feet and experience the warmth of the sun hasn't shines on a grassy knoll - if I were on the ark, these are the things I would be expecting to experience.

Then the door opened. Never experiencing the damage of raging floodwaters, Noah got his first glimpse of what happens to an earth that has been flooded - buried in a watery grave for 150 days.

Much of the ground is still saturated and muddy. Much of the vegetation is gone. Only the the heartiest of plants, such as the olive tree have found a quick recovery in the warmth of the sun's rays.

The carcasses of animals that have drowned are strewn about. The remnants of death are everywhere. 150 days of swirling waters have turned every edifice of man into architectural ruin.

There is no one left on the earth. Noah, his wife and children have been invited to spend the rest of their days in a perpetual family reunion. And, the family is dysfunctional. Maybe it is one reason why Noah got drunk.

Only Noah's faith in God and His promise was left. God offered a rainbow signifying that he would never again destroy the world by flood. But that did not eliminate the reality of a world currently destroyed. Noah had to hold to the promise that God would use him to recover the earth.

150 is significant. In our calendar, it represents five months. Five is the number of grace. When the floodwaters refuse to subside for 150 days, I can promise you a great measure of grace is needed to survive. When the storm is over and the waters subside, the door opens. You feel the warmth and you smell the air and you say the journey is over. And then you look out and realize the journey is just about to begin. Now you must deal with the wreckage of the storm and again begin to build.  In that moment, you realize that your 150 days was the introductory course for a different plan of life.

In looking at 150, I was reminded of the last recorded Psalm. This passage in its entirety is a direct instruction about praise offered to God. The final instruction: "Let everything that has breath praise the Lord". That was a purpose to be found in the flood. Mankind had ceased to honor God. They ceased to praise Him. God hit the reset button.

If you understand anything about David, you will know that most of his life was torn between joy and sadness.  He had great victories but they came at the price of terrible storms. He suffered acute depression. I believe he had a sense of what it was like to open the door at the end of 150 days. I find it ironic that his final psalm, The one that would later be assigned the number 150, would be one that and its entirety instructs us to put our complete focus on God. Perhaps that is how we survive the storm and it's aftermath.

150 days. As you look out, the ground is marshy. There's destruction all around. But hey, The door IS finally open. 

HAPPINESS - From: "Lessons Offered to my Kids"

What makes you happy? One of the things at I have tried to do in being a dad is not train you into "happiness". Too often, people are taught what happiness is supposed to look like, feel like, and as a result...be. It is measured by most  people through the pursuit of pleasure or personal satisfaction. Some tie it to the feeling that comes from success and achievement. In pursuit of the ministry that surrounds my life, my approach was different.  I was taught that happiness is really achieved when you are making a difference in someone else's life. There is a truth to this statement. I can honestly say  I have found happiness in making a difference in others. I can also say, I have poured out my life to others, only to look up and find a huge void in the happiness chamber of my life.

 

Happiness, success, fulfillment...they all have commonalities but they are different. I have met people who are extremely successful, yet never fulfilled. I have met people who's lives are very fulfilled yet seem to have no measurable success that even they can identify.  And, I have met successful people with full and by their own admission, fulfilled lives, who wrestle with an acute lack of happiness.
 

I suffered a personal failure in that I developed the belief that as the road to happiness must include others, I must invite them on the journey to happiness.  I opened the door to the bus, announced the destination and said, "welcome aboard". In retrospect, I am amazed at the number of people willing to board the bus without any thought given to whether or not they really wanted to take the journey or why. Some seemed to just want to go along for the ride. One thing for certain - in those cases, I picked up the tab for the fare. I also experienced a major letdown because I allowed the picture of my happiness to include those who were on the bus. We were headed to happiness, but when the doors opened and the passengers disembarked,

 

I discovered who were simply, passengers.

 

Relationships (including some I fostered for years) that carried for me a certain depth proved to be not nearly as deep as I had chosen to believe. For while I heavily invested myself in their happiness, their investment in mine evaporated when the moment came where I needed to be able to draw on them. On my journey to happiness, I hit a roadblock and when I turned to those who had been riding the bus, I discovered that the bus was empty. Or in other words, at my point of need  I reached out to my closest and most highly invested relationships to discover that they would not even pick up a phone. I realized then that it doesn't matter the extent that you love, you cannot expect that the

same level of love is reciprocated.

 

I know that this may sound bitter, but it is not. If there is any real frustration on my part, it is with myself. Extending myself to others is a pleasure for me. The acquisition of things - the "having" part of pleasure - was in relationships; in having the ability to effectively bring betterment to others. The price I paid was that in "having" those relationships, I was no longer able to "be" who I was created to be. I had to "be" something else to fulfill the need of those relationships.

It has been said that genuine happiness can only be achieved when we transform our way of life from the unthinking pursuit of pleasure to one committed to enriching our inner lives, when we focus on 'being more' rather than simply having more. Though I was in the pursuit of happiness for others, it was still the pursuit of pleasure at the price of the enrichment of my own life. That which should have allowed me to be more became that which drained me and made me become empty inside.

You should always extend yourself to people.

 

Each of you have inside a great gift of life. It was imparted to you by the Creator. It was fostered by your mother and by me.  It was designed to feed your joy and your happiness as it feeds the happiness of others. It is NOT designed to build in you an expectation from those to whom you offer that gift.

 

Your happiness needs to come from God.  It needs to be found in the personal joys that excite you. It needs to be experienced through the flavors of life that righteously appeal to your palette. I cast aside many things that brought me joy - things that fed my personal happiness - because of the needs and expectations of others. I poured my happiness experience into others, expecting them to in turn fill what they were not capable or willing to fill...and I became empty.  Do not cast those things aside. Do not sacrifice the artistry and joy in you because of the mindset of others. Always keep for yourself a measure of time and money to afford those things that will feed your soul and enrich your happiness.

Love God. Love people who all of your heart.

 

Give all of yourself but never give UP yourself in the process.

 

For me - I sold the bus. I bought a taxi. There are far fewer seats. The fare is higher. There are far fewer passengers. However, the passengers are truly engaged. Those who have access to the passenger list are those who truly want to be there. And the beauty? The taxi can actually go places the bus can never go, allowing the passengers to experience what those in the bus will miss.  The view from the taxi is greater, allowing you to see in greater detail the beauty of your surroundings. The seats are closer and the noise is less, allowing for real communication between the passengers. Maintaining a bus means keeping the schedule for the sake of the passengers. There is no time for the things which are enriching for you. The taxi can take you and the ones who really choose to ride with you to the things which feed you personally and mutually. It is proving to be a far better vehicle on the road to happiness.

Have I lost friends? No, not really. I discovered who was and who really wasn't. Perhaps for the first time, I am finding true friends because I am only now discovering what true friendship really is.

Love God. Be yielded to Him. Love others with all of your heart. But as I said, never give yourself up in the process. Who you are is a gift from God.  Take care of that gift.

Feed it wisely. Be happy!

 

Dad

TRUST From – “Lessons Offered to My Kids”

Trust – it is one of the greatest offerings anyone can afford you.  It is a foundation stone in very relationship. As you navigate through life, you will most likely discover that it is one of the more complicated aspects of life.  The reason is simple – 

trust involves relationship and 

all relationships are based on trust.

People trust based upon their belief. Whether they want to admit it or not, people always live their life by their belief. In other words, their actions are the clearest indicator of what they believe.  God’s greatest desire of us is to believe…so much so that He made it the foundation for our salvation. 

John 3:16 “…that he who believes in Him should not perish 

but have everlasting life.”

People relate to people based upon their belief. As a result, people trust you based upon their belief. That belief can be fostered and affected in different ways. Circumstances where a person’s trust is violated affects how that 

person believes you or anyone else can be trusted. Even if they choose 

to trust, there will usually be misgivings and fear that eventually, 

the trust they offer you will be violated “just like last time.”

How a person was raised can affect their ability to trust you. If they were taught, “this is how people are”, they will measure your actions based upon that teaching. You become stereotyped, making it difficult to truly be received at face value.

There is another trust issue that is likely the most powerful. 

People by nature measure you based upon their lives, not just their experiences. Proverbs 23:7 offers that “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. ‘Eat and drink!’ he says to you, but his heart is not with you.” What a person carries in his heart dictates his belief – about himself, about 

God and about you.

If a person is by nature a “taker”, he will eventually question what you are after in the relationship. If a person is a manipulator, your actions will be measured as manipulation. If a person plays “mind games”, your words will begin to look to them as a mind game.  In short, a person will measure your actions based on how they will act in a given situation.

Jesus identified with this in Luke 6:37-38 when He said, “Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be 

measured back to you.”

The common teaching is “Judge not, and you shall not be judged…” meaning that if you judge someone, sooner or later someone will judge you. Actually, God is trying to communicate that because He has forgiven us, refused to condemn us and loved us when He had reason to judge and destroy us, we should be that way toward others. His words in Luke immediately prior to this say, “Be merciful, just as your Father is also merciful.”

But perhaps the greatest key is found in the last phrase, 

“For with the same measure that you use, 

it will be measured back to you.”  

This is where the point is made. People tend to measure each other based upon the measuring cup they use in their own actions. The default position is to expect others to do it the way they would do it. You will find yours is the same.

There is great pain in trust – particularly if you choose to trust in the manner in which I have tried to teach you. My default is to give people the benefit of the doubt – to take them at face value and hope for authenticity. It is what we are taught…

Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.”

You have probably already realized that though you offer these things toward others, it is not going to be reciprocated. Therein is the pain -you trust wholeheartedly only to have your trustworthiness questioned. When it occurs, you find yourself constantly having to prove and reprove yourself. It is painful and wearisome.

Still, the other option is to trust as the world does – to measure trust based on the proof of that trust.  One of my heroes, President Ronald Reagan offered during the breakdown of the cold war, “Trust, but verify.” This is sound advice in dealing with atomic missiles (and other things). It sets a precedent for relationships. People who are ready to lob missiles at you need to be barricaded from your life. They are a danger to you and a threat to your future.

But not everyone is an enemy. Most are just caught in their own measure of life. For them, you are better to trust as God does.  Thank Him every day that He does not extend Reagan’s “Trust but verify” logic into your life.  

God chooses to trust you when He has verified that you are going to completely ignore His heart. 

He trusts you enough to let you “pull away” from His presence, 

even when it means allowing you to create a breach 

in the relationship.

People you trust will love you. They will also fail you. Don’t let that be your life measure. Be authentic if no one else is willing to be, for God is. Trust as God trusts. And in times when those around you fail you remember: He does not fail you.

© 2014 – All Rights Reserved

RESPECT From - “Lessons Offered to My Kids.”

These days, it seems that respect comes at a premium.  There is a difference between those who act respectful towards you and those who truly respect you.  This is a principle I have labored to instill into the minds of my children. Life is full of people who will “do and say the right thing”. However, if you look long enough, you will soon discover what they really believe.  After all, actions speak louder than words.  Even if you are a master at measuring your words, the Bible offers a great truth concerning what you say. Matthew 12:34 teaches us that “out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.”

Sooner or later, if your respect you demonstrate toward another person is not real, it will come out.  

There is a mindset that has found root in this generation. It was 

fostered on the premise, “I don’t mind you not respecting someone. I mind you doing it out loud.”  I have heard that offered in school settings, from mentors to their protégés, even from employers to employees.  It has lessened the notion of respect to an action offered rather than a sentiment felt. You can see the results in everything from customer service to employer employee relations. 

You can especially see it in our schools – 

particularly in middle school ages when 

such ideas are being fostered.

Honor and respect are different.  There are people for whom I have little respect. Yet, because of their position, I choose to demonstrate honor toward them.  In other words, respect is still in motion, but it is tied to the position or office that person holds.

Respect is important.  I work diligently to find a reason to respect those around me, even when their opinions and beliefs may run contrary to mine.  I also work diligently to be respectable. After all, 

respect is something that is earned.  

Where I run into problems is in dealing with someone who is disrespectful. Or worse, that one who is seemingly respectful on the outside but in reality has very little respect for you.

I caution my children regarding such people. They are the ones who can bring damage.  They are the ones not to trust. Their false respect is about themselves. Consider: if they really do not respect you and their respect comes out of some sort of requirement, what is in it for them.  What do they need from you that would cause them to feign respect? They are the takers!  They try to increase the value of their own lives by lessening the value of yours.

Such people should lose access to you. They do not believe in you. They are not really for you. Ergo, they are ultimately against you. If they tolerate you for their own end, they are not deserving of the benefit received 

by being around you.

Jesus Himself gave little time to Pharisees. Because they had no respect for Him, there was little He could offer their lives anyway.  He set His focus on those who were intent on pursuing something better.

Learn the lesson. Beware of those who feign respect.  Limit access to anyone who has little or no respect for you.  Their intent is to grow by tearing you down. More importantly, never BE that person. You are givers not takers. Look for the real value in people and find ways to foster the good in that value.  Give honor to whom honor is due and find ways to genuinely respect the good that God has placed in people.

-Dad

© 2014 Timothy Byler - All Rights Reserved